Episode 6: Bad Content Rising

It had all come to him in a dream, which is clichéd, but that fact pushed him to try and execute the concept even more so: Doctor Deceptor was a great fan of clichés. This wasn’t his first evil scheme, and he doubted it would be his last, but deep down he had a feeling that this one stood a larger than usual chance of finally destroying those dreaded Contentinators®. The Doctor sat on the darkened roof of his evil headquarters and envisioned a world in a spiral of miserable advertising and clueless application; content marketing in disarray. Ah yes….that was a pleasant dream.

Doctor Deceptor was raised with the beliefs of a truly traditional Ad Man: his father, Mr. Deceptor, owned a newspaper factory downtown and viewed media as a singular enterprise, one that never would or never could be changed. But, of course, it did, and elder Deceptor could not adapt. His son, once the great hope of a future filled with bland confusing advertising, grew bitter right alongside him. He was turned down by all the best business and marketing colleges, and, eventually, was only offered a scholarship by Spam U.

School bored him; everything bored him, except content chaos. He started small: college flyers for concerts that he’d manipulate with inaccurate details, calling local radio stations with fake traffic reports, paying pilots to fly banners along beaches for events that didn’t exist. He wasn’t actually a doctor, but found if he called himself one often enough, people eventually started to do the same: it was an early view into personal viral social marketing.  A personal evil content marketing agency was slowly being born.

After failing to graduate, Deceptor was still somewhat hopeful for a world where he could excel and be paid for creating advertising that was intrusive and always untrue, so he applied to as many low-fi content marketing agencies as he could, but was turned down by them all. Even they told him he needed to funnel his odd creativity for the good of the consumer, to be that mystical link that brought together the hard working company and the people that needed hard work.

He quit his job search quickly and found something that suited him much better: professional villainy. He found minions, legions of them, on Internet forums and through direct mailers (those flyers he still very much appreciated, aesthetically), and began the work of making the world of content as confusing as possible, which is, after, his life’s work.

It was going fantastically: it turned out that the proliferation of social media just allowed more arenas for Deceptor Marketing to inject chaos and confusion. He and his minions thrived. Everything began to look bleak for the future of content marketing. The world of turmoil suited his being.

Then, one day, the Contentinators arrived.

Tonight, sitting on top of the roof of this new Deceptor Marketing HQ, after those very superheroes found and dismantled his Dockside hive, the thought of them made him shudder. Why were they so intent on clarity? Why did they feel the need to help their clients get a return on value, to create SEO capabilities that actually worked?

It started with that Captain of theirs….but they were all good. A well-oiled superhero content marketing creation machine. He had to admit.

Doctor Deceptor sighed, letting the night air settle in around him to cool his nerves a bit. In the alley, he could see the silhouettes of some of his minions walking around distractedly, without purpose. Captain Content had thwarted him at every turn, but, this time, would be different. The Contentinators had managed to get ahead of every devious plan he’d launched into the content of the social media world, but his new idea bypassed content and went straight to the physical source that 64% of adults used to get their information and content: their smart phones. If Doctor Deceptor could control the phones, he could control the discourse, and with that, the content.

Online creative content marketing may once again be doomed, just as his father’s newspaper plant had been.

He began cackling, and from the roof, in that moment of joy, he began throwing direct-mailers to the ground below, a confusing confetti. This time would be different! Content marketing agencies would be on the run! But then overhead, loud enough for the “Doctor” to hear, but quiet nonetheless, the distinctive sound of a fluttering cape zoomed by. He saw red and blue colors, backlit in a dark sky against a half-moon, passing over Deceptor Marketing without even pausing.

Could he know the plan already? Were his personal search engines that optimized? There was only one way for Doctor Deceptor to find out, and he was looking forward to it.

Deceptor Marketing, The Interview.

Hello, fans of spandex and Appletinis. Or is it just me who realizes how awesome these things are? Either way, I’m sure we can agree on one thing: you need a content marketing agency caring enough to shield you from agencies that want to deceive you into using terrible content strategies. I recently interrupted a recording from our foes at Deceptor Marketing and thought the best way to teach you about their trickery was to show you what it looks like. Listen and learn: this is how you DON’T do social media. Ever.

Dr.Deceptor: We can’t have The Contentinators® ruining Deceptor Marketing with their good advice. We’ll lose all of our clients if they learn that we’re the reason their businesses are failing. The camera’s rolling, SocioSiren, so you have to make our future clients believe everything you say. What’s the worst advice for social media you can think of?

SocioSiren: Engage, in her own interview, claims that you should avoid spam at all costs. I say that’s nonsense. If you already have an audience that is interested in what you have to say, then tell them! Show them your day, your cat, how much you need your morning coffee, and brag about your business. Your social media platform is your own personal canvas. Let your charms shine.

DD: That’s excellent, believable logic. Why wouldn’t your audience want to know all the small details of your life?

SS: It’s the little things that count. A lot of them.

DD: On that note, how do you repel—I mean, how do you attract that devoted following?

SS: Oh, Doctor. I know what you meant. Why would we ever want to repel an audience? To attract the largest, most devoted following you can have, you have to fake it ‘til you make it. If you want to be popular, you have to pretend you have a crazed posse hanging off you at every second. Your audience doesn’t have to be real right away. Buy your followers. If you’re cheap, then make a lot of fake accounts to follow your page. If people see that you’re popular, they’ll want to be part of the cool club and check you out.

DD: Speaking of cool, there’s something all the suave kids on social media are using these days to gain that dedicated following: hashtags. Do you have any advice?

SS: Of course! Hashtags are a vital part of your social media marketing. You have to hashtag everything to extend your reach. It’s common sense: if you’re only using one or two, then you’re not reaching as many people as you would if you’re using, say, twelve. Or, if you’re an overachiever, then you can use thirty. Your audience will understand that you’re trying to reach other like-minded people. And if they don’t like it? They can keep scrolling.

DD: That’s what scroll buttons are made for. If only more people could learn of them--and by more people, I mean the suspicious spandex-clad man standing outside of our window. I can’t read lips, but I think he’s saying, “I’ll get you for this.” It’s tiem for us to run before this guy breaks in and throws us out. I wish we could have had a longer interview, but this should be enough to make everyone believe that Deceptor Marketing is an honest content marketing agency dedicated to delivering the best advice possible.

At that moment, the window breaks and the video ends. Captain Content shakes his head and clenches his fists. He refuses to tolerate Deceptor Marketing’s blatant lies.

Captain Content: There you have it, straight out of Dr. Deceptor’s mouth. Their goal is to take your business and make it less engaging than drying paint. Instead, call The Continentinators® at 866-471-4748, and we will help you build a content marketing strategy that works. Our team is dedicated to making sure you’re speaking to a real audience that is interested in what you have to say.

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Episode 4: Dockside Drama & Analytics

They each had a pair of night vision goggles designed by the finest optometrists in the Swiss alps, and with these, our heroes, The Contentinators®, surveyed the layout before them, as if it were illuminated by many suns. Like any good content marketing agency (and they considered themselves the best for a reason), they came prepared with many tools for any job.

The docks were milling about with activity, but none of it was targeted and directed particularly well: telltale signs of poor organization they’d seen before out of Deceptor Marketing. Sleuth had already pockmarked the perimeter of the of the dockside lair with bugs; no one had noticed.

“What are they saying?” Captain Content whispered. He motioned at two Deceptor henchmen wandering around near the edge of the water, across the small lake from which The Contentinators had positioned themselves (visibility, or lack thereof, always being a prime asset).

“Hold on, let me focus my acoustics,” Sleuth mumbled.

“Is that paper they’re throwing in the lake?” Engage said. “We don’t even own any, do we?”

A light crackle came from Sleuth’s portable speakers, then clearing up, they could hear the bugs pick up the voices of the two henchmen:

Henchman #1: “Boss says to always saturate the market with mailers. Even for fish.”

Henchman #2: “Fish are like people, boss says. They respond to clutter.”

Henchman #1: “Yeah, cluttered fish tanks are the best. Throw more mailers in the lake.”

Henchman #2: “We’re almost out.”

Henchman #1: “Good. Boss says it doesn’t matter what quality your content is, just that you produce a ton of it.“

Captain Content smashed the plastic speakers with a swift elbow; he’d heard enough of this nonsense. Poor content marketing advice made his brain swell and his mighty heart ache. He shifted his focus through the windows of the main warehouse along the dock; it was brightly lit but seemed to contain nothing of interest: Deceptor HQ, no doubt.

“Do we have a visual on The Curator yet?” he asked.

“Right there,” Sleuth synced the focus of all three of The Contentinators goggles to a spot through a large bay window near the end of the warehouse. And just as Doctor Deceptor had said on the phone, he was indeed tied up and being slowly lowered into a vat of spam mail. Pure madness.

“Let’s take action,” Engage said.

Wordlessly, all three of the heroes made their way to the front door of the warehouse. Captain Content dove in and swam across the lake: the quickest way to any one point was a straight line; simple focus was his key. Sleuth had created a winged contraption and flew, much like an osprey, calmly across the lake. Engage simply walked around the edge of the docks: none of the henchmen dared question her.

When they arrived at the door, they nodded, then kicked it in as a team.

Inside the warehouse, the scene became instantly more chaotic and uncoordinated at the sight of our heroes: more like wandering love bugs than synchronized honeybees.

Henchman wiggled out of tiny windows and hid behind stacks of mail-order brochures that didn’t even have the proper postage.

The Curator grinned at the sight of his friends: “Was wondering when you’d be here. Didn’t want you guys to miss the party.” He then ripped through the poorly made twine they seemed to have him tied up with ease, and started firing off emails on his phone packed like Peruvian limes with analytics. Of course, he had been playing possum: Deceptor Marketing didn’t have the power to hold The Curator.

And reunited, The Contentinators become a finely-tuned content marketing agency immediately. Throwing high-quality blogs at henchman, instantly spreading the word on social media of Deceptor’s location, and, yeah, maybe some kicking and punching, too.

Then, standing from high atop a stack of PC monitors from the mid-90s, Doctor Deceptor appeared, shroud in blue, his cape aflutter.


“There’s always more, Contentinators,” he shrieked. “Poorly written and slowly delivered content will spread through this city like a plague. I’ll define marketing.”

With that, he leapt from those dusty monitors, and crashed through a window, escaping into the night sky. The henchman had cleared out, and our heroes had won the battle, but not yet the war. A sliver of the distant gossamer rising sun cut into the warehouse, and another day on the frontlines of SEO optimization bloomed.

Episode 3: Deceptor Strikes Back

The rain came through in torrents and a dark-colored fog obscured every building in the usually buzzing downtown. It was past midnight, although time was of no particular issue to the most premiere of all content marketing agencies, and the home of our heroes, The Contentinators®. But this night, they were worried. Something was off, something amiss in the musty orange lights of the city below.

“He should have checked in by now,” Captain Content muttered quietly, to no one in particular. Engage was sitting with her six cell phones all in arms-reach, laptop in front of her, scanning social media feeds for any clues. Sleuth hadn’t spoken for hours but was busy researching newly-posted pieces of content for hidden messages.

The Curator had left the night before, with Mr. Patches’ poking out of his custom made riding satchel, on a mission to find information, and he hadn’t returned since. No calls, no tweets, no updates, no posts, no voicemails, no e-mails. His digital trace had vanished.

So, they were worried.

“He should have checked in.“

Engage’s fourth cell phone rang (tone: Velvet Revolver’s Superhuman), cutting Captain Content’s anxious musing short. A call at this hour was no surprise, a good content marketing agency makes itself available at all hours, but they held their breath as she answered, hoping for some word.

“The Contentinators,” she answered firmly and clearly; her outreach impeccable in any medium. 80% of Internet users own a smartphone. She listened for a moment, her eyes betraying nothing, then she set the phone down and put it on speaker.

“The Contentinators, in our grip at last,” the voice yelled, followed by a wild cackle. Sleuth typed as he listened. “We’ve captured your comrade, the Curator; he fell into a bit of a trap. Information overload, it seems. Devious, indeed, I must say, even by Deceptor Marketing standards. We will release him, but only if you supply us with online content capable of eliciting a response rate higher than we’ve been able to reach. The Curator would tell us nothing of your methods.”

“Of course, he wouldn’t,” Captain Content gritted through his teeth. “Our content is exclusive.”

“Exclusive or not, Captain Content, you have six hours, or we’ll lower the Curator to his doom in a vat of our acidic mail-order advertisements.”  

The laughter coming through the speaker rose, and the line went dead. Captain Content slammed his fist into a desk. The audacity, the outright cruelty, of these Deceptor Marketing monsters. If only they could focus their power of deception for good…..

He regrouped: “Hear anything in the voice, Engage?”

“He’s safe, for now,” she said calmly, “but I sense anxiety. The Curator is tough to hold for long.”

“Sleuth? Pick up any background information.”

“Water lapping against softwood, maybe 18-yards from the location of the cell call. Sounded like pressure treated cedar to me. And I heard the distant call of a Pandion haliaetus below flight-level.”

“An osprey?"


They all looked up and made eye contact at once: this content marketing agency works on a creative wavelength they can all ride together.

“The docks!” The Contentinators said in one voice.

They rushed downstairs to the ContentinatorWing, chrome plated, and fit with jet engines of pure above-military grade. Interstellar capabilities were added as an extreme luxury. 

“Do you know how we can afford these toys?” Captain Content grinned as he got into the cockpit. They all knew the answer but he said it aloud anyway: “Content marketing produces triple as many leads as traditional outbound marketing.”

“And costs 62% less to create,” Engage added, with a smirk.

“Let’s go get our hero back,” The Captain said. He fired up the engine and blasted into the night, cutting through the rain and smog like a tightly sharpened jigsaw blade, the Contentinators at their individual stations. The destination was obvious, and the minions of Deceptor Marketing were the target soon to be precisely engaged.

Next Month, our heroes return! Episode 4: Content Showdown, Dockside

Epic Content Battles: Episode 2: The Contentinators® Save the Day

The Contentinators®, protectors of content marketing everywhere, approached the gloomy façade of the downtrodden John Doe Corporation and immediately did not like what they saw. An unlit sign, piles of garbage partially blocking the entranceway, an outward bound Internet cable flailing unconnected in the wind. Terrible things. 

“If this is what the physical public face of the company is, imagine the online presence,” Sleuth said. He seemed to shudder at the thought. 

“I just hope we’re not too late,” The Curator said. 

“There’s always hope when the job is in the hands of a good content marketing agency,” Engage muttered. 

They kicked open the door to find an office filled with stacks of random papers, a single fan spinning with one blade, and a television beaming only white noise. Every computer screen had an eerily silent image of a skull and crossbones. The place looked deserted. 

But from behind one of the giant irrelevant towers of printer paper came a cough. The Contentinators® rushed over and uncovered a lone man wearing a sideways tie, his glasses askew, and a cup of coffee cold as a Wyoming winter still gripped in his hand. He looked stunned, as if he’d been programmed incorrectly, and upon seeing our heroes, he instinctively shot a hand out with a business card in it. Everything on it was misspelled, and the print so faded that it was difficult to read anyway. 

“Deceptor Marketing said we didn’t need a blog. That online engagement is overrated. They said a monthly paper newsletter was fine, and stamps are cheaper than people think,” this man mumbled, unprovoked. 

The Curator bit his fist, suppressing a scream.

“69% of marketers are looking to increase their blogging presence this year,” Sleuth said, calmly. “And 45% say it’s their most important content-related strategy. Care to know why?”

The lone surviving employee of John Doe Co. nodded simply. 

“Because it is!” The Curator yelled, his nerves frayed at the sight of this business disaster before him. Engage put a gentle hand on his shoulder. 

“We can fix this, though,” she said. “It’s not too late.” 
“Let’s get to work.”

And so The Contentinators sprang into action. Social networks were set up for all platforms, content uploaded, and SEO optimization pushed to its limits. Blog posts for John Doe Corporation began to spread happily throughout the Internet, flocks of metrics and analytics began to suddenly meet stated goals. E-mails and phone calls flooded in as the night wore on, orders and questions connecting to those online pieces of outreach. As the sun rose on the next day, employees slowly began wandering back in the front door, as if returning to the scene of a terrific natural disaster. 

By mid-morning, with the help of a super professional content marketing agency, John Doe Corporation was starting to look like a fully-functioning 21st-century business. The ship was beginning to be turned around. 

“I can’t thank you enough, Contentinators. Is there anything we can do to help stop Deceptor Marketing?” the transformed employee asked as our heroes headed for the door, exhausted, but satisfied. 

“Just spread the word. Remind people that 82% of businesses with blogging capture a positive ROI for inbound marketing,” Engage said.

Visits To Site On Blogging Days VS. Non Blogging Days

John Doe Corporation After Working With The Contentinators®

“And if you see Deceptor Marketing,” The Curator couldn’t help but add, “tell them The Contentinators are coming.” 

And with that, our heroes departed.

Stay Connected With @CaptContent

Epic Content Battles : Episode 1 : The Genesis.

Strolling down a busy avenue in downtown Orlando, our hero takes a detour to avoid stepping on a pile of gum, melted ice cream, and, oddly enough, hair. Little did he know that this detour would change his life. This little detour will ultimately change the course of marketing history. As he rounded the corner, he heard evil. Pure evil. There were two voices. A sinister, menacing, gruff voice and a rascally, weasel-like sounding voice. They spoke of terrible things. They plotted. They were about to launch a plan to ruin the web as we know it. They spoke of building an evil agency, an agency built upon deceit, an agency built on empty promises. It was that day that the Deceptor Marketing Agency was created. An agency that will be so despised by so many; an agency that will ruin so many companies seeking marketing expertise and new clients.

That very day, our Captain Content faced evil. That very day sparked something deep within him, something life-changing. Our hero immediately rushed down to the local spandex / fabric store and created his legendary, epic costume. Everything had to be just right. His hair. His cape. His outer underwear, the gloves, the shoes, the colors. This was huge. That HAD to happen. This was his destiny.

This disturbance pushed our hero beyond his human limits. His creativity surged. He dug deep within, and The Contentinators® was born. An agency like none other. An agency that lives and breathes to create amazing content. Content that resonates with target audiences. Content that inspires, moves, educates, and entertains. Content that lives to defeat the evil clutches of Dr. Deceptor. Content that builds up the digital planet and makes it whole and worth surfing. Our hero jumped into action and assembled his league. He never settled. He hand picked the best of the best. 

Doctor Deceptor , Deceptor Marketing

Doctor Deceptor, Deceptor Marketing

Days followed and the Deceptors' power started to grow. Companies, eager to thrive on the Internet, were sold a bag of garbage from the slick talking Dr. Deceptor. SEO promises were thrown out, guarantees of instant, online success were spewed out like candy. The Deceptors were growing. Evil content began filling computer monitors, laptops, smartphones, and tablets alike. Mumble jumble. Garbage. A slew of constant nonsense started to permeate the web. It was everywhere. This needs to be stopped. 

Captain Content  Of The Contentinators®

Captain Content Of The Contentinators®

The Contentinators® assembled. They flew around the United States with purpose, on a mission. They were bound and determined to find the best of the best of the best in the content creation world. No longer will the world suffer from the evil, horrid clutches of the Deceptors. It was shaping up to be the battle of all battles. The Epic battle of good VS. Evil had begun.

Engage, The Curator And Sleuth From The Contentinators®

Engage, The Curator And Sleuth From The Contentinators®

The Epic Battle continues. To learn more about The Contentinators® and how we can tell your story through rich, vibrant Content Marketing, call 866-471-4748 or click the shiny box below. Stay tuned for next weeks episode...